Christmas is the time for giving and receiving presents, tucking into a feast of food and drink - and sharing cheesy cracker jokes.
The Western Gazette sent its resident groan-inducing joker Rob Golledge back to the classroom to pit his wit against the pupils of Barwick and Stoford Primary School. Here we share the results...Q. Where does Santa stay when he's on holiday? At a ho-ho-tel (Rio Durdle, 4)Q. What do snowmen have for breakfast? A. Snowflakes (Jasmyn Chant, 4)Q. Why did Santa's helpers see the therapist? A. Because he had a low elf-esteem (Bobby Trevaskis, 11)Q. What did one snowman say to the other snowman? A. Can you smell carrots (Jack Pugsley, 9)Q.What did the sea say to the snowman? A. Nothing. It just waved (Josh Higgins, 8)Q. What do you get when you put three ducks in a box? A. A box of quackers (Liam Reynolds, 9)Q. Who delivers presents to baby sharks? A. Santa jaws (Jobe Meechan, 7)Q. Where do snowmen go to dance? A. Snowballs (Justin Hawkins, 5)Q. What do wild animals sing at Christmas time? A. Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way (Elen Pickstone, 4)Q. Where does Santa buy his fridge? A. Comet (Katie Gardiner, 7)Q. Who looks after Father Christmas when he is ill? A. The National Elf Service (Alisha Antoniou, 11)Q. What did one angel say to the other? A. Halo there (Kaitlyn Chubb, 5)Q. Who delivers presents to cats at Christmas? A. Santa paws (Jenascia Braund, 7)
There is a warped logic to the secret of a great Christmas cracker gag: the worse they are, the better they are.
The reaction to an outright funny joke is simply not comparable with truly cringe-worthy ones.
We can count on awful wisecracks to unite those sitting around the Christmas dinner table like no other.
They transcend generations. As the pupils from Barwick and Stoford Primary School show, corny jokes stand the test of time.
There is truth in the saying 'it's so bad, it's funny'.
So sit back, brace yourself and let me be your master of mischief, your baron of buffoonery and your prince of parody as I give you a rundown of my personal favourite festive one liners. Q. What is Good King Wenceslas's favourite pizza? A. One that's deep pan, crisp and even. Q. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A. A mince spy. Q. What happens when you eat Christmas tree decorations? A. You get tinsel-itus! Q. How do snowmen get around? A. They ride an icicle. Q. What did Dracula say at the Christmas party? A. Do you fancy a bite?Q. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.Q. What do you call a man with a pole in his leg? A. Rodney.Q. What is a ghost's favourite Christmas entertainment ? A. A phantomime.Q. How do you stop your dog from chasing men on bicycles? A. Take away his bicycle.
